the perfect celebrity book club

hire me as a consultant!!!!!!!

Hi y’all,

Every bright young thing has a book club these days! Singers, actresses, models, TV anchors, other actresses, other models, other actresses,¹ etc, etc, all spend their free time reading. Good for them!

The celebrity book club has, to me, always seemed a bit proactively defensive, a little self-conscious, like: she may not have an undergrad degree, but there’s still a brain behind the pretty face.² (Famous men are more readily taken seriously and, so, do not need to have book clubs.)

And for that reason, the celebrity book club is also (mostly) annoying, no matter how smart the woman in question truly is. I mean, dear god, these women are filthy rich and gorgeous—and some of them are even talented—do I really have to say they’re smart too? It’s too much!

Is the celebrity book club really all that different from the celebrity tequila or make-up line? I don’t think it’s cynical to say that these book clubs are exercises in brand building, even empire building. These ladies wanna sell you something, directly or indirectly! That’s fine. Listen, it worked out really well for Oprah and Reese. It worked out well for the publishing industry! No complaints!

Actually, one complaint: these women (with a few exceptions) have rather similar tastes. Her picks are elevated-ish. Her picks are mostly new releases (plus a few approachable classics), they’re mostly by and about women, and they’re mostly novels or memoirs. The novels are sexy, the memoirs (and occasional essay collection) are feministy. There’s one or two alt-lit (or alt-lit adjacent) choices to prove that she’s actually cool, and then a Booker Prizer nominee or Women’s Prize winner, and every once in a while, a cringey bestseller slides in. Two years ago, she read Sally Rooney, Jia Tolentino, and Roxane Gay. This year, she’ll read the new Megan Nolan, Kiley Reid, and Maggie Nelson.

Don’t get me wrong, the books they choose are usually good! The books are widely enjoyed! The books are mostly-uncontroversial to their target audience of college-educated women in her 20’s or 30’s!

Which is all to say, the books feel chosen by committee. These picks are so tasteful that they lack character. So tasteful they lack taste.

And so, for my imaginary client Sydney Sweeney, may I present:

THE PERFECT CELEBRITY BOOK CLUB

I picked Sydney because she’s a mega-star right now, arguably the brightest of the bright young things. She rose to fame with two wildly popular HBO shows (Euphoria and The White Lotus) and now seems to be cashing in on silver screen blockbuster-hopefuls (Anyone But You and Madame Web). She’s 26, a baby-faced bombshell. In interviews, she seems very sweet and a little awkward—in an earnest way. Despite her obviously qualifying features, Sydney doesn’t really lean into her status as a sex symbol. Her social media & the ads she appears in are chaste compared to what Megan Fox and the Kardashian-Jenner clan’s photoshoots. It is, of course, a new era; and for post-Me-Too Gen Z, sex doesn’t sell, I guess.

On the very-fun podcast Stargirl, Emma Glenn Baker describes Sydney as having “a blankness” about her, which doesn’t come from being “mysterious” or “cool.” Sydney keeps a bit of professional distance from the public. Unlike many of her Euphoria co-stars, Sydney’s not showing up at fashion shows or on hip magazine covers. Mostly, she’s showing up in subway ads for random skincare products. As she said in a viral 2022 interview with The Hollywood Reporter: “If I wanted to take a six-month break, I don’t have income to cover that… If I just acted, I wouldn’t be able to afford my life in L.A. I take deals because I have to.”

I think her self-described lower-middle class background is important to highlight in the context of her future book club, because there’s something else that many of the celebrity book clubs have in common: they’re run by the infamous “nepo babies” (i.e. the “children of celebrities” as Vulture puts it). Emma Roberts, Jenna Bush, Kaia Gerber,—nepo babies all! And more broadly, if we look at new(ish) indie publishing houses: Zando Books is funded by Elisabeth Murdoch, Catapult founded by Elizabeth Koch, and Zibby Books founded by Zibby Owens.³

I guess that’s really neither here nor there in terms of our book choices, but it does make me want to do our girl Sydney proud. Sydney’s book club will have surprising choices, but also down-to-earth choices. We want to see a taste that develops over time, a taste that tests its own limits and takes itself just seriously enough. A fun taste! But also, a taste that lets Sydney keep that professional distance & stay in the realm of “I think” rather than “I feel.”

The perfect celebrity book club will position Sydney Sweeney as a discerning reader of sci-fi & fantasy; plotless, postmodern novels; and smut. Plus a few outliers. We want a fun and not-fussy mix of low- and high-brow books. Self-aware, but not ironic. We need Sydney to be deadly earnest about each book. This obviously works best if Sydney actually does enjoy postmodern-scifi-smut, which may be too much to hope for. Her target audience is a mix of impressionable young women, Twitter reply guys, and anyone who (unwillingly) knows what a “Eurogame” is.

1. January: The Fellowship of the Ring by J. R. Tolkien; More Millennials & Gen Z should know the name Tom Bombadil! Justice for Tom! An approachable, but surprising, first choice for the book club. I’d have Sydney do dramatic readings of the elvish songs on Instagram Live every night before bed. I think this would be insanely charming. She should go on Colbert to promote the book club. I’m a genius.

2. February: Story of the Eye by Georges Bataille; I know I’d have to sit Sydney down for this one. Sydney, I’d say, twirling my handlebar mustache like a cartoon devil, This is how we get the bemused Twitter takes. We gotta court controversy and confusion if you want your book club to make a splash. Sydney, you wanna be cool, right?

3. March: Black Water by Joyce Carol Oates; At this point, after choosing Tolkien and Bataille, people are gonna start accusing poor Sydney of pandering to men.⁴ And like, maybe?! If she were, would that be such a bad strategy? Men are the untapped market of the celebrity book club. Anyway, Black Water should cut through some of those complaints. This book is dark, quick, lyrical, and retells the Chappaquiddick incident. It’s March, so no one is too sick of politics yet. The Kennedy family is in the news (thx RFK jr). It’s perfect. Also I am dying to meet Oates, so this would be a sick get for me.

4. April: The Plains by Gerald Murnane; The most ideal book for spring! Pure joy and serotonin! I definitely want her discussing this with some visual artist or other, maybe a painter. I don’t know enough about art to pick out anyone specifically, but I want her paired with an artist who is already well established, but not someone with a buzzy show up in a museum right now. It can’t feel too “timely,” this convo has to feel timeless.

5. May: Oreo by Fran Ross; Only fun books in spring! Perfect for park reading. It’s a metafictional novel about race, identity, mythology, and language: if that sounds like a drag, it’s only because I’m not doing it justice! Oreo is playful and irreverent and formally inventive, full of graphs, quizzes, lists, and other ephemera. Admittedly a white, Christian girl from Spokane might not be the most natural discussion leader for this book. Perhaps Maya Rudolph would be a good conversation partner?

6. June: The Wise Virgins by Leonard Woolf; An outlier, I’ll admit. To choose a book by Leonard Woolf is to imply you’ve read all of Virginia Woolf’s books. Like, why would anyone read The Wise Virgins if she hasn’t read Between the Acts and The Waves? She just wouldn’t. Flex on ‘em, Sydney. Also the gossip in this one is juicy, and I feel like if you could find the right V. Woolf fan who also reads tabloids, Sydney could have a wonderful podcast about the Bloomsbury Group.

7. July: Neuromancer by William Gibson; This is a George rec actually, I haven’t read it, but he tells me, “It’s the whole package. It’s conceptual, sexual, and noided.” Plus, he assures me that it is fun!

8. August: Preliminary Materials for a Theory of the Young Girl by Tiqqun; Love it or hate it, you have to admit it’d be fascinating to hear our most famous Young Girls discus it. I would put Sydney in conversation with Addison Rae, Miley Cyrus, and the most austerely-red-lipsticked humanities professor I can find.

9. September: End Zone by Don DeLillo; DeLillo’s second novel is about a college running back who becomes obsessed with the specter of nuclear war. It’s funny, bleak, and the perfect back to school novel!

10. October: Speedboat by Renata Adler; Again, I’m picturing excerpts read daily on Instagram Live for this one; definitely guest starring readings from a few famous friends. Never read from anywhere chic though. It should feel like Sydney is reading to you from an old couch in her parent’s basement.

11. November: On Such a Full Sea by Chang-rae Lee; No matter who wins, this election isn’t gonna end in the 2016-white-woman-discovers-politics mood. This one is gonna end with a the I-would-like-to-lay-down-in-traffic mood. This book won’t pander to either feeling, which I like.

12. December: Dragonflight by Anne McCaffrey; Obviously you gotta end the year with a horny dragon book. That’s what Fourth Wing taught me. Do you really wanna miss out on a Christmas spent chatting about soft core porn with your aunt? Plus, bringing McCaffrey back into the conversation is like writing yourself a blank check. I hope no one’s optioned it for TV already!

In the second year, I’d do a back to back reading of Reclaiming History and On the Trail of the Assassins. Just kidding, though I would looooooove for Sydney to do fun little interviews about the JFK assassination on Chicken Shop Date. Admittedly, I was erotica-lite in Sydney’s first year. For Year 2, I’d add Kathy Acker to the mix. Memoirs of a Woman of Pleasure. Anais Nin. Dennis Cooper, maybe. Honestly I would also toss in one of those hockey romances the girls on TikTok read. Talk by Linda Rosenkrantz has to make an appearance, and instead of discussing it, Sydney should just broadcast herself & another starlet (Kylie Jenner?), drunk & playing their who’d-you-rather-fuck game. Pale Fire. Obviously If on a winter’s night a traveler… “The Seducer’s Diary” from Either/Or. I had Trust Exercise on this list at first, but I took it off to fit other books. Also, I’d continue Sydney’s affinity for fantasy & sci-fi with Terminal Boredom by Izumi Suzuki, The Parable of the Sower by Octavia Butler, Sabriel by Garth Nix, and maybe Dune. Oh and I’ve never read Cixin Liu’s The Three Body Problem but it probably fits our bill. Y/N by Esther Yi could be so fun. Plus some other pulpy fantasy titles I’d need to spend time researching. We’re not doing Vonnegut, SORRY. Also, Sydney Sweeney reads The Road. Are you kidding? So good.

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Thank you for reading to the end of this silly exercise. I’m dying to know if there’s a celeb whose book club you would definitely join. For me, I would love to see a Courtney Love book club or a John Waters book club. Did you know Courtney Love’s grandma was Paula Fox? I didn’t till just now!

xoxo,
Book Notes

1. Okay, okay, to be fair to Emrata and SJP, they aren’t starting book clubs. Emrata talks about books on her podcast a lot, and SJP has an imprint through Zando. Also, I haven’t read Emrata’s book, but I liked that essay in NYmag.

2. Maybe I’m projecting. In my early 20s, I did a lot of tossing and turning at night, terrified that people didn’t take me seriously. My most annoying quality (at least, one of them) is that I deeply, deeply need you to think I’m smart. You can prolly tell that from this blog (oops)

3. For the record, I’m actually in favor of billionaire scions starting indie presses.

4. She’s not pandering to men, she’s pandering to me, baby.